Rocco Report, The Netherlands

Ok so “manic” chose not to write much about what we did in Amsterdam eh? What a wuss. Well whatever he didn’t do anything good anyways – mainly because I didn’t hang out with him all that much. He spent his time in stupid museums, or talking about lame books with his little friend, or watching TV on the couch, or something like that I don’t know what he did but I’m sure it was pretty lame. I had my own agenda. I am quite interested in Dutch culture, particularly its cuisine. In fact, I am interested in culture in general. Wherever I go, I try to really delve into the heart of the scene, to hopefully grow an understanding of the seams and scars around the world, that prevent us (collectively, as living creatures) from being smooth, and harmonious.

Anyways, to get a sampling of the Dutch culinary culture, I popped into a coffee shop and chomped down on a space cake. For those of you who aren’t as refined as I am, a space cake is a magical cupcake that teleports you to, well, I guess space, or at least someplace pretty cool. I don’t know, ask Barack Obama about it, he may know where you go. I was going to only eat half, but the owner recommended I eat all of it, so I ate all of the space cake.

After I ate down the space cake the first couple hours were pretty normal, and then suddenly, a rocket ship took off, and I was brought into a world where the senses knew no boundaries between each other. Colors were blurred with feelings, sight with touch, and time and space moved in particularly peculiar patterns. I could sense my connection with all goblins, living and dead, and felt like we were all just one delicate piece of art that the universe was trying to balance out and express.

So yeah, the food in Amsterdam is quite good and the space cakes are worth going out of your way for. I also enjoyed the Turkish Pizzas. The street side French Fries, particularly when served with the most repulsive substance known to man (mayonnaise, for the tasteless), aren’t all that delicious. I enjoyed Amsterdam, even if “manic” was particularly lame.

-Rocco

Amsterdam, Holland

What happens when you visit Amsterdam and stay with your friend, a skirt-chasing, insomniac who happens to be quite intelligent and one of the hottest DJ’s in town? You indulge your inner hedonist with a couple crazy nights that don’t end until 7AM, and counterbalance that with quick and witty conversation in the “mornings”, the Anne Frank House or the Van Goh Museum in the afternoons, and a Turkish pizza for dinner. That’s what happens. Oh, and you also learn how to scratch and throw a sick party from behind the turntables.

Thanks to: DEE PRO, you made Amsterdam crazier than it already is, and that’s no small feet. If anyone asks, tell ‘em, “The DJ is from Italy.” Cheers for the wild time bro.
Next Stop: London, England

Berlin, Germany

Berlin of course is steeped in modern history and crazy nightlife. Since this is common knowledge, let me offer up something a bit more exotic. Here are two facts about Berlin:

1) Over half of Berlin’s citizens have declared themselves “atheist.” This is not necessarily because they don’t believe in God, so much as Germans are taxed for their beliefs – the tax, which can be up to 10% goes to the church the citizen is a member of.

2) Berlin recently built a controversial new memorial to the Murdered Jews of WWII. Noteworthy amongst the controversial aspects of this memorial is the fact that the memorial is chemically treated to keep it graffiti free. This of course is a good thing. The controversial part is the company that supplied this anti-graffiti chemical, is the parent company of the company who made and sold the gas used in the gas chambers.

Thanks to: JG, it was a blast man, the “Euro-hipster” party was fun – too bad someone couldn’t stay awake that night. Hahaha
Next stop: Amsterdam.

Prague, Czech Republic

To not fall in love with Prague would have been an effort. What’s not to like? The Czech Republic is the home of Kafka and Kundera, beer and incredible architecture, and an astonishing arts scene - can anyone say Bohemia?

Prague was fortunate enough to escape the bombs of the past world wars, and hence has many old buildings that are very well preserved, and still stand with their original structure. This of course means that Prague has some of the most beautiful and historical churches in all of Europe. However, in an entertaining twist of fate Prague’s atheist population accounts for something like 70% of the people in Prague.

Prague on its own was incredible – it made my list of cities I would love to live in – but it was made even better because I got a chance to catch up with HD and hang out with her for a few days. She and her roommates are crazy. Some of the most absurd conversations had on this trip were lived out sitting around the table in her apartment. I definitely can’t print the entire conversation here, but if you want hysterical, bring up the topic of tampons around HD and her roommates. After that, just sit back and watch the madness unfold.

Thanks to: HD, you’re a superstar, and your roommates are very cool too, thanks for hosting me. I really think y’all have a great expat life going on.
Next stop: Berlin, Germany

Budapest, Hungary

On a whim, I opted to go to Budapest, Hungary. It was the first spontaneous change of plans, and it worked out wicked well. Budapest is an incredible city with a pretty intense recent history. It was the sight of both communist and Nazi occupation. Both groups used the same sight to detain and torture the people who didn’t cheer loud enough at parades, harbored wrong beliefs, or just happened to look at an officer the wrong way. This sight has been turned into the “Terror Museum” and it documents the atrocities and murders and histories of these events. It also has recreated cells down stairs, and they were pretty intense.

However, Budapest’s true relics are the thermal baths throughout the city. They were originally constructed during Turkish and Roman occupations and are absolutely incredible. The main bath can easily hold hundreds of people, and is garnished with marble statues and fountains, and naturally heated to a pleasant 38 degrees Celsius. There are also cooler pools for swimming as well as saunas, whirlpools and steam rooms. All of the waters used are natural and supposedly have medicinal properties to them – in fact, if you have a doctors note you get a serious discount. Even without a doctor’s note, unlimited access to all the facilities for half a day costs about $10USD. The baths are one of the true spectacles of the world.

Next Stop: Prague, Czech Republic

Rocco Report, Austria

Ok Ok Ok, who got to hang out in some hott Austrian girls tits? Rocco did. That’s fucking right. Of course, a gentleman can’t really discuss this type of issue, but let’s just say I had a hell of a lot more fun with Ms. Austria here, than I do with “manic is the new sleep”.

All and all, Austria was entertaining, but mainly because “manic is the new sleep” and CD are idiots. Being aware that the energy drink red bull is made in Austria, the two of them set out to find the factory. They had a genius strategy too – fucking wander around Salzburg by foot until they just stumble upon the factory. Well joke is on those two idiots, the factory isn’t even in Salzburg, it’s in some town half an hour away. So what did those two manage to find? Some stupid building that had the little red bull emblem on it and was owned by red bull inc – that’s it. One of the employees of this building thought that “manic’s” and CD’s stupidity was so entertaining, that he actually gave the two of them free red bull.

Now, the failure to find the red bull factory was actually outdone by meeting up with MM to go rock climbing. Now with all three of the boys teemed up you would think at least one of them would be bright enough to realize that it was too dark to go climbing before they left, but fucking none of them figured it out until they had hiked up, harnessed in, and set up the ropes, at which point one of the genius’s said “uhh its pretty dark, we should pack up”. They didn’t climb a single rock that day. Idiots.

We won’t even discuss the failed attempt to go horseback riding or hiking…

We also saw a stupid American tourist. She was hanging out in the wicked touristy part of town looking for Sound of Music paraphernalia speaking quick English to the Austrian shop attendant. When the salesclerk asked her to repeat what she said, she said the same thing just as quickly, but this time 4x as loud. Good job asshole. At least you are doing a good job of fostering the incredible cultural understanding your fearless president demands of both himself and the country.

And as for Austrians and Austria – well they all want to be German wicked bad. They do all the same things Germans do (which for our uncultured readers is: eat sausage, drink beer, and speak a barbaric sounding language) except in Austria. Keep trying little Austria, one day with enough beer, sausage, and large breasted women, you too can become German!

-Rocco

Back on track

Sorry for the technical difficulties. We are currently in London, and back on track with our travel log. You can now find the deleted Austrian and Hungarian posts, as well as a few new ones.

Much love

"manic" and Rocco

Technical Difficulties

Rocco and I are currently experiencing technical difficulties with this blog. We will be addressing the problem over the coming days. Please check back often, and thanks for reading.

Salzburg, Austria

Salzburg, Austria with CD has hands down been the wildest stop to date. Of course we did all of the touristy things – saw Mozart’s house, ate a sausage, hung out in the old town, and pranced around a field like we were little Von Trapp girls – but it was the antics that made this stop memorable.

Shortly after getting to Salzburg, CD decided to take my ISIC card, a form of international student ID, and chuck it on top of a bus stop. Getting it down wasn’t easy. First we just threw rope at it. That didn’t work, so we tried the same thing only with CD standing on my shoulders. That didn’t work, but it did catch the attention of a passing group of American tourists, some of who stopped and took pictures of us. Eventually AL go involved and she climbed part of the way up, where she hit the card with a plank and it eventually came back down.

After that in CD’s room, I was having a shower, and CD decided it would be an opportune moment to open the curtain and formally introduce me to his new Salzburg friends. I shook their hands. This was all within the first hours of arrival, and kept up all throughout the Salzburg stop.

Thanks To: CD you were an incredible host – you made Salzburg unreal. The trouble you and I and some of your Salzburg friends caused was hysterical.
Coming Soon: An entry that might actually catch the attention of the intellects in the crowd
Next Sop: Budapest, Hungary

Pompeii, Italy

We made a brief stop in Pompeii, Italy. It was cool.

Rocco Report, Switzerland

Oh hey, I’ve got a great idea for the Switzerland trip, how about we dump way more money than we can afford and go fucking paragliding! That should be fun, because when we are stranded in Africa and penniless two months from now, memories of soaring like a bird should be so fulfilling, that they count as sustenance. Good call.

Ok, so Switzerland was really pretty, but there’s nothing the hell to do here. Of course if you are into the unique form of heart, lung, and leg rape people call “hiking” you’ll probably think this country is great, but honestly it's pretty damn boring. In fact, the people have so little to do, that cars actually stop for you when you are at a walkway. Additionally, the farmers have come up with an ingenious application of modern technology to keep track of their cows – they wrap bells around their neck. This fills Switzerland with the anarchal noise of bells and moos.

And Interlaken actually uses cows to keep their town common grass cut. Which is great because it means there is a huge market for lawnmowers, which accomplish the same magical feat of keeping the grass short, but without shitting everywhere like the cows. I am going to make money on that one baby!

Actually I was thinking that Interlaken was a bit too stimulating, so I'm glad that we went somewhere only accessible by a terrifying five minute gondola ride into the mountains, called Gimmelwald, that was exciting! You know what there is to do in Gimmelwald? Look at the pretty mountains and climb the pretty mountains. That's it.

One quick word of warning, if you have a cat, and “manic is the new sleep” is headed your way, hide it. So far, cats have gone down slides, and tried to go in shower in our presence, and we are only on week two.

-Rocco

Gimmelwald, Switzerland

Getting to Gimmelwald is quite the production. You have to take the train out of Interlaken to another small town, and then from there, you catch a bus. After the bus, you take a gondola up several thousand meters into the Alps. You get off 5 minutes later, and viola, you are in Gimmelwald, Switzerland, a town way up in the Alps, with maybe 1000 inhabitants and phenomenal hiking. Other than hiking and looking at vistas that you’ll have to remind yourself are real, there’s not much to do here.

As fate may have it there were very cool people hanging around. One of the people I met was eating a sandwich, when out of the blue, a cat ran up, snatched it, and gobbled it. To thank the kitty my friend gave the kitty a ride down a slide that was near our hostel. To my surprise, the cat really loved it, because when it came out, it was frantically running, looking for the ladder back up.

Next Stop: Naples, Italy

Interlaken, Switzerland

Getting to Interlaken was the first foray into trouble with transportation systems in different languages. I came very close to getting on the wrong train in France, but stunning wit prevailed and I captured the proper train just in time.
Interlaken, is a pretty cool town nestled between two lakes in the Swiss Alps. It has roughly 15,000 inhabitants and is picturesque as all hell.

A few interesting things happened here. On the first day, I went hiking in the Alps - the antithesis of the hyperactive urbanite life I generally prefer. It’s good to get back into nature and be reminded of her pure power, inspiration, and beauty. As humans we tend to distance ourselves from nature. We often consider ourselves the more powerful of the two, but hiking in the Alps puts you back in your place. Or at least it did for me.

Interlaken was also home to a brief sampling of the vagabond life. I was locked out of my hostel for five hours, alone, in the rain, with no money, and no warm or protective clothing. It was a bad couple hours, and I couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit closer to all the beggars of the world.

Fortunately getting trapped in the rain was followed by the absolutely surreal experience of paragliding. Paragliding is basically flying for humans. You’re strapped onto a special parachute with controls on either side, and you run down a sharp hill, and suddenly, you’re lifted off the ground flying and gliding above the trees and lakes, surrounded by the Alps.

I flew through some low flying clouds and it gave the entire experience a very ethereal feel. It was pure zen, and well worth the 6 days of food money that I dropped to do it.

Next Stop: Gimmelwald.