Rocco Report, England

Ok so I am thinking of renaming my column from “The Rocco Report” to “The, What Stupid Shit Did ‘Manic’ Do This Week? Report” the only problem is if I actually did that, I would spend all my time writing and none of it soaking in the goodies of global travel. However, the England stop was outstanding, even for “manic.” The confusion, mayhem and insanity actually started before he set foot in the country. He was on a fast ship from Holland to England, when he started freaking out, because the ship was running really late, and he was going to miss his rendezvous with his little friend in London. Of course, every other person on the ship (and probably the continent for that matter) knew there was a time change between Holland and the UK, but apparently this eluded “manic” until someone explained it to him.

So he eventually arrived in London and set upon accomplishing two relatively simple goals. Don’t spend too much money (failed), and rest up (failed). Let’s see, on the don’t spend much money front, “manic” hit the London club scene and dinned out at fancy restaurants. Good going genius – London is literally the most expensive city in the world, and you went out and lived it up. And as far as resting goes, of the four nights in London, guess how many he actually fell asleep before 2am for? One. And the rest – well he was up at least until 4am. Don’t ask me doing what - I was fast asleep like any intelligent traveler would be.

So with those two missions failed, “manic” moved on to the academic epicenter, Oxford, England, and attempted again, this time with more success, to rest and save money.
Though he actually accomplished his goals this time, he still did a few entertaining things:

• I guess he got bored of carving his little pumpkin and instead, decided to carve his hand. This resulted in a trip to the ER
• His trip to the ER forced him to miss MF’s dinner party, but he was determined not to let his favorite holiday slip away, and upon returning from the ER, he put on his awesome and elaborate costume and hit a party. Joke’s on him though - it wasn’t a costume part at all, and he was the only one there dressed up – hahahaha!
• JA wanted to show him one of her favorite restaurants in Oxford, and he neglected to mention until the very end of the meal that MF had taken him there just the night before. Wow, what an asshole.
• He made a complete mess of first, GN’s room, and then GN’s house, and really didn’t clean it up before he left. Actually that was a funny a kind of funny stunt.

And as far as what did Rocco do while in Oxford? Well the town’s pretty boring so I ended up rocking the worlds of those “genius’s” at Oxford. They spend so much time reading their 10 books a week that they forget how to loosen up, so I showed them how with style, class, and grace. One of them tried to debate me on international politics, and I schooled him by using a scene from the Godfather to illustrate how to handle Iran’s plutonium enrichment program. Oxford – 0, Rocco -1!

-Rocco