Rocco Report, The Safari

Not shockingly, “Manic” has been a lazy bastard, and has been neglecting this blog. Well I will stand for it no more! I will annoy him until he agrees to update at least once a week ‘til the documentation of this journey is over.

So you may be asking yourself, “How the hell did Rocco get so close to that Hungry Hungry Hippo without being eaten like a colored marble?” The answer is: I have not distanced myself from nature the way you, web-surfing, cheeto-eating, Nintendo-Wii-playing, humans have. I am still in touch with nature and can sense when the hippo is dangerous and when its not. Also, I think the hippo knows that if he tried anything on me, I could pretty easily kick his ass.

So anyways, while “Manic” was doing lame stuff, I actually hung out with the animals. We had a few beers. I told them that back in September, I sold my soul in order to be able to speak with the humans. I thought they were going to make fun of me, but actually they were glad to hang out. They want me to convey a message to you all. The animals say:

“Keep those green house gasses coming baby! These fur coats aren’t as warm as they used to be, so we are glad that you are seriously screwing up the ecosystem. And besides, our lives are pretty trivial, especially compared to yours, so if damage that you do ends up killing us (you already made a lot of us extinct!), no big deal - just long as you can keep driving those shiny SUV’s! Oh, and also, we happen to have way too much land to frolic about in. Please continue to cut down our forests, pave over our wetlands, and lay cement in our prairies. We are looking forward to even more waste, shopping malls, and soulless mega corporations in the immediate future!”

I can’t tell for sure because (I did have a few beers) but I think the animals were being sarcastic.

Oh yeah, I ran into a few dung beetles. They say “hi” to President Bush, and that he is an inspiration to dung beetles world wide!

-Rocco

“Manic” will soon be posting (or I will annoy him endlessly): “The Drunken Bushman Encounter”, followed shortly thereafter by the rest of the logs.