The Drunken Bushman's POV on American Foreign Policy

We slept in tree houses during the 5 evenings of the Safari. This lends itself to a certain type of magic and excitement that probably every 11 year old can relate to, and a lot more “mature” people have forgotten. Other than the sheer enchanting quality of living in the wild in a tree house, it allowed for some other unusual opportunities – for example, one morning, I woke up, and looked out my small window, only to be greeted by a mega sized rhinoceros about 50 feet away from my tree house.

Living in the wild (as oppose to in special tourist lodges) also meant that we got to interact with some of the locals who were still living, to use their term, in “the bush.” After cooking dinner, we would sit around the camp fire, having a few drinks and talking. One night, some of the bushmen came to hang out with us and join in the merriment. One asked where I was from, and when he heard “America” was very excited. After talking a bit about the differences between South Africa and US, he grabbed a napkin and drew a rectangle beneath a rectangle.

“What this?” he asked me in broken English.

“Two shapes?” I ventured

“No, this one America, this one Mexico, you see, they are neighbors.”
I decided to play along, and not to ask what had happened to the Gulf of Mexico, Florida, or just how Mexico had managed to get so large in the few months I had been gone, and simply replied,

“yeah, Mexico and my country are neighbors.”

“But Mexico, it is not as nice as America, and what does America do? Nothing! Not even help their neighbor who need their help. America not go to China, not go to Africa, not go to Mexico, even neighbor Mexico not get help from America. Who does America go to?”

I contemplated talking about USAID, or the Peace Corps, and attempting to defend my arguably indefensible country, but I was never given the opportunity, he continued on.

“America goes to Iraq and kills for-why? America should help Mexico, its neighbor. Silly America ” at this point he laughed for a bit, and continued lecturing me on American foreign policy and its absurdity.

Though it was a largely one way conversation, filled with statements and claims of questionable accuracy, this bushman, who had never been outside of North Western South Africa, who had probably never seen a television, and whose connection to the outside world was the transient tourist, had made an interesting point, that I think if often over looked. We spend so much time worrying about “defending” ourselves that we forget to keep our friends happy, and to look after our neighbors. It’s funny that this isn’t often mentioned in the newspapers, magazines or blogs. Yet, out in the bush, I came across a bushman who believes that the prominent flaw with US foreign policy is our apathy towards friends and neighbors.

Next Stop: Swaziland

Rocco Report, The Safari

Not shockingly, “Manic” has been a lazy bastard, and has been neglecting this blog. Well I will stand for it no more! I will annoy him until he agrees to update at least once a week ‘til the documentation of this journey is over.

So you may be asking yourself, “How the hell did Rocco get so close to that Hungry Hungry Hippo without being eaten like a colored marble?” The answer is: I have not distanced myself from nature the way you, web-surfing, cheeto-eating, Nintendo-Wii-playing, humans have. I am still in touch with nature and can sense when the hippo is dangerous and when its not. Also, I think the hippo knows that if he tried anything on me, I could pretty easily kick his ass.

So anyways, while “Manic” was doing lame stuff, I actually hung out with the animals. We had a few beers. I told them that back in September, I sold my soul in order to be able to speak with the humans. I thought they were going to make fun of me, but actually they were glad to hang out. They want me to convey a message to you all. The animals say:

“Keep those green house gasses coming baby! These fur coats aren’t as warm as they used to be, so we are glad that you are seriously screwing up the ecosystem. And besides, our lives are pretty trivial, especially compared to yours, so if damage that you do ends up killing us (you already made a lot of us extinct!), no big deal - just long as you can keep driving those shiny SUV’s! Oh, and also, we happen to have way too much land to frolic about in. Please continue to cut down our forests, pave over our wetlands, and lay cement in our prairies. We are looking forward to even more waste, shopping malls, and soulless mega corporations in the immediate future!”

I can’t tell for sure because (I did have a few beers) but I think the animals were being sarcastic.

Oh yeah, I ran into a few dung beetles. They say “hi” to President Bush, and that he is an inspiration to dung beetles world wide!

-Rocco

“Manic” will soon be posting (or I will annoy him endlessly): “The Drunken Bushman Encounter”, followed shortly thereafter by the rest of the logs.