Rocco Report, France

What’s up? I’m Rocco, “manic is the new sleep’s” goblin travel companion, and I’m here to cut through the bs that “manic is the new sleep” feeds you about how hunky-dory all these places we visit are. First of all, the Eiffel tower is really not that pretty in the day. It looks ok at night, and at night it’s kind of cool. There are lots of people sitting out drinking wine looking at the tower, but a lot of them are stupid American backpacker kids trying to “find themselves in Europe” or something. We came across a particularly rowdy bunch and luckily GN was there to help me steal their cheese, which we proceeded to throw at them. And yes these kids were drinking wine and eating cheese at the Eiffel tower – apparently cliché is the new hip.

The Louvre was ok, but seriously the Mona Lisa is not worth the steamer-in-the-pants that people seem to have for it. I was into painting back in my day, and believe me “enigmatic smiles” are wicked easy to do. Most people only go to the Louvre to look at the Mona Lisa and to seem sophisticated, not because they like art and to these people I give half a peace sign. You should live for the passion, not for the image.

Oh and Avignon is scary as hell. I was being fucking friendly to this little kick dog on the street, and he growled at me and tried to eat me. Now come on, it was a kick dog! I was being friendly and it tried to eat me! I wanted to stay and kick this things ass, but “manic is the new sleep” was a wuss and ran away. What a fucking baby.

And as for the French people, the stereotype that they are pretentious holds no water. They are in fact quite friendly and charming, and have a keen eye for style. They do though stick to the stereotype that they love cigarettes far more than they love showers and deodorant.

-Rocco